Kraft’s New Flavored Singles Are Basically Dip

Kraft Singles, aka dip squares. | Kraft

Taste testing the three new flavors of Kraft singles felt weirdly familiar

American cheese is a scientific miracle. But until now, most of the options have stuck with one, pseudo-cheddary flavor. Which is not a problem, to be clear. “Pasteurized prepared cheese product” is a beloved American staple. But Kraft has now asked and answered a new question: What if American cheese came in flavors?

Kraft has just released three new flavors of its classic Singles: Jalapeno, Garlic & Herb, and Caramelized Onion. In a press release, the company says these are the first new Kraft Singles flavors in a decade. They’re also the first that sound like actual flavors, rather than a weak grasp on “white American” or “Swiss.” So, a group of terribly put upon Eater staffers decided to put them to the test to see if they could unseat the classic American slice, or perhaps actual cheese.

Taste test methodology

Jaya Saxena

Our supplies.

The testing was conducted in Eater’s New York City office, as that’s the closest to where I live and I did not want to coordinate shipping samples to everyone else (sorry, Eater fam). However, we were immediately faced with a dilemma. Obviously the most important way to test the success of an American cheese slice is to eat it in a grilled cheese, but we have no office stovetop on which to grill. So we had two options: I make grilled cheese at home, and bring it to the office, or we use the office toaster oven to make the closest approximation: cheese toast. Crucially, it was 25 degrees out on the day of the testing, and I live at least 45 minutes away by subway in the borough of Queens (eat it Brooklyn, go Mets), so any grilled cheese I made would be a sorry version of itself by the time it made it to the office. We went with the cheese toast.

Each toast consisted of two slices of cheese on a slice of classic white bread from Whole Foods, as we all agreed trying to put this on a crusty sourdough was sacrilegious. We set the oven to the “toast” setting for five minutes, which gave the bread a light crust and made the slices puff up like a down comforter. A few corners were browned, which could only help with the taste.

We also decided to taste the slices raw, for funsies.

Taste test outcomes

Caramelized Onion toast

The caramelized onion singles were the only ones to not be “flecked” with some unidentifiable flavoring, instead appearing as beige squares. Staffers assumed this would be the least successful flavor of the three, perhaps because “caramelized” is a more abstract flavor to capture. But the toasts were met with exclamations of “I’m surprised” and “This isn’t bad!” The cheese tasted mostly of French onion dip, which somehow was the closest taste to classic American cheese in the bunch.

Jaya Saxena

Gotta love that texture.

Jalapeno toast

“I don’t like it” was the immediate reaction from one staffer, but overall this may have been the most popular flavor. Probably because we imagined this could be the most versatile. A whole grilled cheese might be a little much, but our minds’ tongues easily saw this working on a burger, instant ramen, or melted on other sandwiches. It tasted legitimately vegetal and spicy, though the slick, artificial texture of the singles meant that spice lingered in your mouth longer than with pepper jack.

Jaya Saxena

Note the flecks.

Garlic & Herb toast

We had the highest expectations for Garlic & Herb, perhaps because we were all picturing Boursin rendered into slice form. But as one staffer said, “I’m getting mixed signals here.” Should this be on a meatball parm or a charcuterie plate? The best way one could describe it is that it “tastes gimmicky.” No one could quite tell what base cheese the slice was going for, and as such it fell a little flat. However, another staffer said that while “[her] kids would dislike them all,” this is the one they might be willing to try.

Raw Kraft Singles

The flavor of each appeared to be far more pungent in its unmelted form, which for flavored Kraft singles was not a good thing. The jalapeno was spicier, the garlic and herb much stronger. But as one staffer said, “it’s like a spice mix in plastic.” Just don’t eat these raw. It should also be noted that as soon as each toast congealed, which was quickly, they became notably worse.

Taste test conclusion

Jaya Saxena

Remnants.

“They were all good,” deemed one taster, and overall, we were surprised that Kraft hadn’t done this sooner. After our mouths were thoroughly coated with artificial cheese product and “natural flavor with other natural flavors,” it became apparent just why these were successful. They each tasted like dip. French onion dip, jalapeno ranch, and Boursin are all known and beloved entities. What Kraft has done is turned each into sort of a congealed dip square.

The best part, though, was imagining what else could be done with these slices. “Imagine if all the coffee carts had this option,” one staffer wondered, if you could order your bacon, egg and cheese with an onion slice, or a jalapeno chopped cheese. Slipping a slice of jalapeno into spam musubi also sounds ideal. There is lots of potential here. But for all the possibilities, the consensus was that on toast and raw, we’d all have preferred to eat a classic American slice. None of these had quite the same cheesy tang, and one staffer insisted the flavored versions left far more of a film in your mouth. Sometimes there’s no beating the original.

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